People often ask if I scrap alot at home, and the answer is heck yes! I turned my extra bedroom into my scraproom. I love that I can get up, and shut the door on any mess that might be goin' on in there. I love it in there!
~Cheetos would be fat free and zero calories. (This goes for Snicker bars, Oreos, good cheese, and McFlurries.)
~My dumbass, freakin', dog-whore of a leg would STOP hurting, and I could run the miles I need to get ready for the rescheduled Azalea Run (June 8th)... as of now, it ain't happenin' for me.
~I could poop every day. (Even without drinking excessive amounts of wine the night before.)
~My kid and I would NOT 'sync' up so that there are TWO females on the same 'cycle' in our house. (My poor poor husband.)
~Cats wouldn't have fleas. Or worms.
~I would never run out of Sookie Stackhouse books to read.
I'm barreling through them, and it makes me sad to think of life without a steady drip of Sookie.
~School would be over yesterday. I keep telling myself, "Only NINE days left... don't kill her." A non-violent outcome is still up in the air.
Oh but it's SO not a perfect world. So I will count my constipated blessings, eat some Cheetos, buy a worm pill for my cat, and read some Sookie.
Praise the Lord and pass the Icy Hot, I finished all 54 days of the INSANITY workout plan! I did it! I did it!!!
(Please excuse the hairy armpit... I was too elated to worry at the moment. A definite faux pas on my part.)
So, I followed the workout plan, along with Big Dave (who missed the last week because he went on a hunting trip and has yet to have his final pics taken) and Mendy the Hottie Neighbor.
By day 45, I was ready to be DONE with this shit, and every day was a struggle to get motivated for the torture. I ended up missing four days out of the whole 9 weeks, and those four were in the last month when the workouts lasted for 55 minutes (instead of the cushy 35 minute ones in the first month)... I just dreaded having to workout for that long.
Oh but I kept at it. I mean heck, I'd yelled it from the mountain tops on Facebook, Instagram and my bloggy, so I HAD to finish the damn thing right? I also did my semi-best to follow Shaun T's advice for eating, and limited my carbs (a little) and upped my protein and veggie intake. I cut out wheat all together... not a single sip of beer in two months. (Thank goodness for potato-based vodka and Club Soda, is all I'm sayin'.)
I know if I'd have been stricter on the food and drink I would have had even better results, but I'm still very very very happy, and I'm glad I didn't have to deprive myself too much because that's no fun at ALL.
So let's have a looky at my before and afters:
Grrrr... evil back fat be gone!
Dear belly fat. You must die.
Yay!!! When I started, my waist measured 33.25", and now it's an even 31". I've gained almost a quarter inch of muscle on my biceps, and my boobies have shrunk nearly a half inch (much to Big Dave's dismay and my delight.)
I've only lost about three pounds, staying right around the 145 mark, but at 5'8" tall and forty years old, I'll take it. I've definitely learned that the scale is a deceitful bitch who is best left ignored as long as my pants are fitting looser.
So... would I recommend Insanity? Oh hell yes! Can a couch potato do it? Uh, YES... look at Big Dave, haha! He had a lot of trouble keeping up with the cardio, but he still got better results than me, and he didn't really change his crappy diet at all. (Men... I swear, why can they lose weight in a quick minute, but women have to eat rabbit pellets and drink distilled water???)
So next up on the Dhuland fitness plan is to rest this week (yes!!!) and then bust out with the weight workouts, while bringing in Insanity (the first month) a couple times a week. Should be fun. And rest assured that I'll keep you posted with more of my oh so flattering bikini pics. Haha! (If you can't laugh at yourself, why bother?)
Thanks for keeping me accountable. I'm planning to ROCK these forties! :)
Welcome to my cerebral hemisphere (looks like somebody's been visitin' ol' Wikipedia.) In today's installment, we will examine a smattering of assorted thoughts and cognition.
Let us proceed:
~This is what my dog looks like when I workout.
She's very concerned. She doesn't understand why Shaun T keeps yelling at me to, "DIG DEEPER!" when she has been very clearly told, on countless occasions, that digging of any kind is a no no. And I think my repeated curses and swears offend her. And maybe my stench.
~I lost my driver's licence. The last time I remember having it was when we entered Doubles nightclub last Saturday. I usually tuck it in my bra, but oops... wasn't wearing one.
Serves me right for being such a slut.
~Speaking of sluts... today is my 18 year wedding anniversary! Yep, I snagged my man in a nightclub in downtown Savannah over 20 years ago, got him to put a ring on it, and here we are. LOVE my boy.
~And guess what anniversary present I asked for???
I am clearly insane. It must be a midlife crisis. But I canNOT wait to finish our Insanity plan this week and start doing some serious weight training. (I never said I was normal.)
~I just started reading Dead as a Doornail, the 5th book in Charlaine Harris' Sookie Stackhouse series. I've heard about this series FOREVER, and I knew that the HBO series True Blood was based on it, but I don't really care for vampire novels so I always brushed it aside. But something finally clicked, and I decided to dip one toe in the vamp pond, and dammit if I didn't get sucked in! (No pun intended, har har.)
I haven't fallen this madly in love with a heroine since Janet Evanovich's Stephanie Plum! So I'm squeezing in time to read whenever I can, and ever so slowly (I don't want them to end) making my way through the Sookie series.
Hmmmm... now that I think about it, Big Dave's at a softball game (yes, on our anniversary... We celebrated last night.) So I'm gonna grab a glass of vino and see what Sookie's up to. Have a great night!
Well hello Insanity Week 7! (Which is really week 8, but apparently the midway 'recovery week' doesn't count.) We've got NINE days left. PRAISE!!! I am SO ready for this to be over and done with. Don't get me wrong, I absolutely LOVE Shaun T, and the program has worked really well for me, but I'm feeling burned out and bored after doing it every day, six days a week, for seven frickin' weeks.
But oh my gosh, at our results! I mean, it's not like I've gone from being gigantic to being cut like a fitness pro, but I am SO much stronger, and I can feel the muscles in my arms, which makes me feel uber sexy even if they aren't defined (yet.) And we have hard evidence of our improvement through our Fit Test results. We did our fourth test this past Monday and both Big Dave and I have gained over a hundred reps since we started. That's an extra 122 (for me) burpees, switch kicks, push up jacks, globe jumps, etc that I couldn't do eight weeks ago! (Mendy the Hottie Neighbor's upped her reps too, but I can't remember by how many... I'm pretty sure she was kicking our asses on Day 1 though.)
Of course the vain heathen in me is most happy with the fact that I've lost two inches around my waist... a total of over four inches of belly/back fat. In fact, I was able to cinch my belt to the fourth hole, which I've NEVER done in the (many) years I've had it. (Of course, last night after veggie fajitas, two margaritas and two big glasses of water I had to loosen her up a tad.) And I bought size six skinny jeans yesterday... yep. Thank you Shaun T.
However, I am still plagued by another couple of inches of stubborn jiggly wiggly Jello pudding belly fat that's holding out to the bitter end. Grrrr.
But I'll just keep on doing what I'm doing, which is SWEATING daily (we're gonna mix it up after we finish Insanity and add in some weights again, along with my regular running/biking) and staying away from the WHEAT. I'm nearly two months of just say no to wheat, and I'm betting that's the big difference in my gut circumference. I'm so happy my step-sis kept reminding me to read Wheat Belly... it took me a while to jump on the bandwagon, but now that I'm there, I'm better for it. (Thanks Laurie!)
So, no measurements or progress pics this week, but we'll have the grand finale after we finish our last Fit Test next Saturday (did I mention that I CANNOT wait to be DONE?!?!?!)
Now... better go suit up. Big Dave will be home from work any minute and that means it's time to get our Shaun T on. (Yay?... uh, I mean YAY!)
Yayayayayay!! Our Dhuland garden is freshly planted. I decided to employ a different strategy this year for the following reasons:
1.) It gets SO freakin' hot mid summer that without a full irrigation system, I cannot keep the soil cool and moist enough for optimal results.
2.) Contrary to popular belief, I really REALLY don't like spending time pulling weeds and 'tending' the garden. I prefer to lay by the pool or the ocean and sneak out to the garden before it gets too hot, or late in the afternoon to pluck the fruits of my (non)labor.
3.) WEEDS. WEEDS. WEEDS.
We spent a lot of time a couple of years ago building and filling our raised planters, thinking this would give me the low maintenance, soil/weed control I was hoping for. But after two years of only mediocre results, I asked Big Dave to disassemble them (they were all about rotten anyway) and spread out the soil so I could have a nice level playing surface on which to lay out my new and improved container garden.
BEFORE: (Trashed, neglected over winter, dead ass raised beds.)
IN PROGRESS: (A fresh new playing field.)
READY TO ROLL! (Tomatoes, peppers, potatoes, cantelopes, cucumbers, squash and zucchinis all tucked nicely into buckets and a few very contained hills.)
It looks mighty naked at the moment, but I know we'll be wall to wall with lush green yumminess in a few weeks. And hopefully this strategy will help with weed prevention, as I can just hit the intruders with some Roundup and not worry about damaging my veggie friends. Yay!
I can't believe it. We just finished our fifth week of the Insanity workout plan with our beloved Shaun T... the sexiest, sweetest, big, bald, fitness guru EVER.
We've sweated, grunted, and cried for mercy, through burpees, suicides, Heismans, switch jumps, power jumps, squats, lunges and more varieties of push ups and planks than any three people could ever dream of. And we have survived.
Phew!
So where are we? Are we seeing results? Hmmm... YESSSS!!!
Here's the stats:
David has lost 2 inches around his waist. (A total of 4 inches throughout his belly and chest!)
(Left: Day 1) (Right: Today)
(Helloooo farmer's tan!)
As for me, I'm down two inches in my waist too! (a total of 4.5 inches overall) Yeek!!!
And we're still going strong! We absolutely dread it. HATE it. Would rather be sitting on the porch with some cold beer and boiled peanuts, but six days a week, Mendy the Hottie Neighbor (who, by the way, has lost a handful of inches of her own, but I can't remember how many), Big Dave and I drag our asses to our now sweat stained spots in my living room and gut it out.
We've got another three weeks and we'll be able to say we've done it! And then what? Hmmmm... good question. But I know I want to keep up with some kind of regimented fitness plan because I really enjoy having this little bit of torture and whole lot of success in common with my hubby. I hate hunting, he hates scrapbooking, but now we finally have something we hate together. Ha!
And when I hug him... which is often, I can wrap my arms around him more than I've been able to do in a long time. And that's pretty cool.
Today while out for a 5 mile scamper through the ol' hood, (and before my Ipod petered out with two miles to go) I found myself running in perfect rhythm to Maneater, an old eighties tune by Hall & Oates.
In fact, I found myself running FAST (remember fast is relative) to it. When I checked my Garmin, I was kickin' up a 10:20 pace for that mile as my right foot struck the pavement with each beat of the song. It was perfect. Perhaps I should consider running to that one song, over and over and over and over again. Boy, I'd zip through that half marathon in no time! (And lose my mind in the process.)
Oh you probably remember the tune... a super poppy beat with the lyrics, "Oh here she comes, watch out boy she'll chew you up. Oh here she comes, she's a maneater." Hmmm. Sounds kinda like the chick in those lyrics might be a slutty, gold digging, manipulator doesn't it?
Well that brings me to my tale. It's a tale of nudity, scandal and woe... and that hot button of a word, 'bullying.' Now, let me be the first to tell you that I had a couple of run ins with bullies in my life, but never anything major... although the time in high school when that scrawny dude's skanky girlfriend sent word through the hallways that she was gonna kick my skinny ass because she thought I was lusting for her man (uh, gross) I sure thought it was major.
And I've been a bully myself to one particularly friendly little ginger back in my church youth group, but thanks to Facebook, time, and the gradual replacement of teenage hormones with adult ones, she has forgiven me, and we are friends.
But this tale (the one with the nudity, scandal and woe) is my favorite, and even though I still have a heart palpitation or two when I hear Maneater, I don't regret that it happened because, as with every other experience, it's made me into the absolutely lovely individual I've become.
So without further ado, I will now share my Maneater tale...
I was in fifth grade. An awkward year, as many of you can attest. Some of the little girls at the private school I attended had already begun to blossom, with their little training bras and tales of 'starting'. Not me. I was stick straight, and pretty much looked like a dude. (Mullet, braces, highwater pants... you get the picture.) That was okay for me, because I really was kind of a tomboy. I'd build forts in the woods around my house, ride my dirt bike, and even dressed up as the baseball player Lou Gehrig for a school project (remember when we got to dress up like the folks in our reports? Do kids still get to do that?)
So when my mom told me that my good ol' buddy ol' pal Scott's, big sister Shawna was going to babysit us while the moms went out for a girl's night, I was excited about the prospect of playing Star Wars (he had real light sabers!) checking out his matchbox car collection, and shooting some pool in his game room. AWESOME. At some point during the night his sister, who seemed SO much older and meaner, but was really probably only 14 or 15, got us into a game of hide and seek. It was so much FUN!
Until the part where Scott, who was wearing elastic waist, blue plaid pajama bottoms hid under the pool table. And I found him.
And he wouldn't come out.
So I grabbed his leg.
But only grabbed a handful of elastic waist, blue plaid pajama bottoms.
So basically... I pulled his pants down.
And I saw his butt.
And he saw me see his butt.
OH MY GOD.
Was I mortified? OH HECK YES! I was soooooOOOoooo embarrassed. But he played it off, and we kept on playing, no big deal.
So I figured that he would just forget about the unfortunate incident right? Nope! At school, the following Monday, I learned, much to my utter and total dismay, that my good ol' buddy ol' pal, had told his best friend Jayce that I pulled his pants down ON PURPOSE!
Not good.
And you've gotta understand that back in the day when I was a wee little lassy on the playground, I was an official 'Kissing Girl' and (the rumor was) if a boy got caught by us, he very well may have been forced to drop his drawers or get a swift kick in the nuts with a Penny Loafer. (We were 6 year old disgusting perverts, what can I say?) So I knew a thing or two about the subject of pants-removal, and I was absolutely positive that I had NOT forced Scott to drop trow.
Yet here I was, the accused. Oh it made me sick. Like literally... I thought I was gonna barf. They wouldn't shut up about it either, which by the way, is where the Maneater song comes in. Everyday after school for what seemed an eternity, they would follow me to the bus singing that damned song. "Oh here she comes... watch out boy she'll chew you up..."
I'd get on the bus and cry my eyeballs out. It sucked.
I'd love to tell you that I eventually kicked them both in the balls and threw used cat litter in their eyes, but I didn't. In fact, I'm not sure how the whole thing got resolved, but I vaguely remember telling my bus driver, Mr. White, about it, and maybe he got involved. It's been so long ago, and apparently I've only held onto the nudity, scandal and woe parts rather than remembering who helped me get rid of these two numbskulls. Maybe they just got bored? I dunno. But I was never ever ever their friend again.
And that, my friends, is my tale. Like I said, it's one of my favorites. Right up there with the time my boyfriend and I got caught by the police in a less than discreet situation at Memorial Stadium... or the time I accidentally backed into the electric fence at the horse barn and thought a mustang had snuck up and bit me on the ass.
They've all made me into who I am today. Happy.
And thankfully for me, Big Dave doesn't wear elastic waist, blue plaid pajama bottoms. ;)
Can you believe it's been FIVE years since I closed Savannah Scrapbooking???
That's just crazy!
Five years ago I closed up my baby and walked away from the most awesome job in the world.
I had a super fun five year run with my little biz, and met people from all over the country.
And through (or despite) the clogged toilets, backordered merchandise, hours and HOURS of inventory, economic woes, and the occasional crabby/crazy/stinky/psycho situations, I got to hang out with the coolest, most creative women a person could ever hope to meet.
And I'm lucky to still call most of them friends. So here's to you my beautiful scrappy friends... I still hold memories of you in my heart.
So let's raise a glass to the sisterhood... to the sharing of ultrasound, wedding, birthday and graduation photos... to indepth discussions about vaginas, vibrators, marriage and money... to laughing until we cried, peed in our pants, or spewed soda through nostrils... to good-natured gossip, rumors of underpantslessness, and torrid tales of sex after 40. We welcomed each other into our families' stories, gave advice, and lent comforting ears/shoulders/cocktails.
You all rock. I'd do it again in a heartbeat (now that I've had five years to miss it.)
Anybody got $100,000? I need to win the lottery! :)
1 - Kitten sleeping on my laptop while I TRY to type.
9 - Days of Spring Break that are now long gone, and I desperately want back.
7 - Weeks until SUMMER BREAK. CANNOT GET HERE SOON ENOUGH!
44 - Minutes it took me to run 4 miles this morning. I've taken two weeks off to concentrate on the Insanity workouts, and was SUPER happy to scamper through them without pain or trauma.
22 - Years, this month, since I first saw the boy of my dreams at a pig pickin'. Our first date was this month. He still rocks my world.
3 - Inches of belly fat GONE from my tummy since starting the workouts. {Giggle}
90,000,000 - Number of leaves I blew, raked, scooped, mowed and mulched today in my yard. Be gone, damned leaves, be gone!
3 - Books I want to start reading. NOW. (Born to Run, What I Talk About When I Talk About Running, and the first Sookie Stackhouse book.)
30 - Days since I stopped eating wheat. Yep. 30 days, gluten-free. I'm pretty sure that it's played a significant part in the loss of my belly/back fat. And it used to seem so mysterious and complicated to me, but it's totally not. AT ALL. No wheat. No problem.
9 - The typical number of hours I sleep every night. Down at 10, up at 7. In fact... I think I'm heading that way riiiiight now.
127 - Average daily views on my bloggy. Thank each and every one of you! Goodnight! ;)
Well well well... here we are, starting our third week of the Insanity workout program. That means we've got a dozen sweat drenched, glute wrenched, heart pounding sessions with Shaun T under our ever tightening belts.
Insanity's advertised as a fast paced, 'Dig Deeper!' kinda torture-fest that's supposed to 'have you in the best shape of your life in 60 days.' So Mendy the Hottie Neighbor (who's already in stellar shape), Big Dave and myself are putting it to the test.
I'm most excited about Big Dave's participation because if he can manage to drop some lbs, he can hopefully get off of the blood pressure and cholesterol meds. He's always been athletic, but he's learning there's a difference in being a 45 year old man who can run bases and climb deer stands, and a 45 year old man who's physically fit in the cardio department. He's jumped into the workout regimen with both of his Nike clad feet, and although it nearly killed him the first week, he started seeing an improvement in his reps by the end of the second week. Which leads us to the Fit Test we took last night.
Every two weeks, the schedule calls for a Fit Test: 8 excercises, one minute each. The goal is to see how many you can get done in that minute, record it and compare it to the last test to see if you've improved.
Well the first night we did it, I think we were all completely traumatized by the level of exercise. Big Dave was panting and dying, Mendy was threatening to vomit, and I dry heaved and laughed nervously as my arms and legs shook with my efforts. So last night, we were all pleasantly relieved/amused to see that we totally dominated our first Fit Test's results. Big Dave did over SEVENTY more reps than two weeks ago. That's freakin' AWESOME!
In addition to the two week Fit Test, I added a three mile run to my day just to see if the millions of 'butt kicks' and 'high knees' have paid off in the speed and stamina department. And they have!! I cruised through what were probably the easiest, and nearly fastest three miles I've ever completed. I've heard from my pal Lisa S. that it can help improve running speed, and I'm here to confirm it. So my 3 miler came in at 31:08. I wonder if it'll be faster next time?!?!?!
In addition to the workouts, we are definitely eating better and drinking less. As they say, abs are made in the kitchen. So that's helping with our fat shrinkage as well.
Alrighty, let's talk measurements. Big Dave's not weighing in, so I don't have a weight to report, however he has lost a full inch off of his belly and 3/4" off his chest/back. That's nearly two inches of FAT that are GONE! Go Boonkie GO!
The pic on the left is his starting point, the right side is after two weeks of Insanity:
Can you tell a difference? I sure can! Needless to say, after getting his measurements and Fit Test results, Big Dave is definitely 'in it.'
And me? I'm down 3/4" of belly fat! In just two weeks? Yeeek!! And my scale is beginning to have happy numbers on it again...
(I hate it when it's right at the cusp of a lower number, and I try to wiggle and lean to get it down to 144 but nope, ain't budgin'... oh you know you do it too! haha!)
I wish my pics showed more of a difference, Left is two weeks ago, right is current:
I'm seeing less and less of that little fat pouch thingy, which delights me greatly!
So now we've got another two weeks until we measure again, and I sure hope we get good results again... it's SUCH a boost to our motivation and confidence that we're doing the right thing trying to get (and stay) healthy once and for all!
